Ok, call me cynical if you like but this winds me up something CHRONIC. I feel like NOTHING in Christian circles is truely confidential. I can pour my heart out to a friend who is 'concerned' and the following Sunday I will have up to three unrelated people voicing their 'concerns' about my situation!!! Apparently we are all just one big happy family and so therefore my business is of concern to everyone around as I could do with some 'extra support' WHATEVER!!! It's just plain nosiness hidden as concern. It is a HUGE problem I have experienced in many churches and church environments and is it any wonder when in all my 21 years of being a Christian I can recall ONCE being warned/taught about gossip and that was only because there was reason to at that time (as a group). We are all taught about accountability but we are accountable to God and to the pastor, not anyone who chooses to walk through the doors on a Sunday.
Of course I don't mind people asking how I am, a simple "I'm fine" will satisfy the majority. I'm talking about the people who I would never normally talk to at all who approach me to have a heart-to-heart for no apparent reason whatsoever. As far as I am concerned the ONLY people who have any right to quiz me on my life is the pastor and his wife. If I choose to confide in someone then that person is chosen by me and it is with the understanding that they only discuss it with a few people who I am aware of. I do NOT expect to be quizzed by virtual strangers, to be given advice based on assumptions put together from a mis match of assumptions or to be expected to take or welcome such advice.
In this matter, I find non-Christians to be far more trustworthy and sensitive to another persons privacy than my fellow Christians. I do not understand a Christian's necessity in discussing confidential discussions with their partner. I don't see it as hiding something if they don't. When people confide in me, I listen, I advise as best I can and then I genuinely forget what was discussed. I rarely feel the need to share someone elses business at a prayer group or a leaders meeting and if I did, it should remain confidential to that meeting. Is this EVER taught in church??!! If it is I must have missed it every single time cos I have never been aware of any teaching along these lines. Nor is it explained at the beginning of any meeting that things discussed are confidential. It is assumed.
You know that people know it should be confidential though because when they come and talk to you on a Sunday they whisper and look over their shoulder, and they always start with "I hope you don't mind me saying but..." WELL I DO MIND. IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!!
Of course I don't mind people asking how I am, a simple "I'm fine" will satisfy the majority. I'm talking about the people who I would never normally talk to at all who approach me to have a heart-to-heart for no apparent reason whatsoever. As far as I am concerned the ONLY people who have any right to quiz me on my life is the pastor and his wife. If I choose to confide in someone then that person is chosen by me and it is with the understanding that they only discuss it with a few people who I am aware of. I do NOT expect to be quizzed by virtual strangers, to be given advice based on assumptions put together from a mis match of assumptions or to be expected to take or welcome such advice.
In this matter, I find non-Christians to be far more trustworthy and sensitive to another persons privacy than my fellow Christians. I do not understand a Christian's necessity in discussing confidential discussions with their partner. I don't see it as hiding something if they don't. When people confide in me, I listen, I advise as best I can and then I genuinely forget what was discussed. I rarely feel the need to share someone elses business at a prayer group or a leaders meeting and if I did, it should remain confidential to that meeting. Is this EVER taught in church??!! If it is I must have missed it every single time cos I have never been aware of any teaching along these lines. Nor is it explained at the beginning of any meeting that things discussed are confidential. It is assumed.
You know that people know it should be confidential though because when they come and talk to you on a Sunday they whisper and look over their shoulder, and they always start with "I hope you don't mind me saying but..." WELL I DO MIND. IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!!
I'm really shocked, that's just awful.
ReplyDeleteRespect for other peoples feelings is so important. Perhaps you should raise the issue, I'm sure they think they're helping when patently they're not.
Ohhh I'm just sick of it. It's fine when you're not in the firing line. You barely notice it. At least I do because I don't spread the gossip myself. I wait for people to approach me in confidence. Just ranting though, in anticipation of the inevitable. gtg sort baby out
ReplyDeleteThing is, it's not even necessarily a lack of respect...It's a lack of awareness. They simply aren't aware that they're doing it and they don't get taught otherwise so they remain unaware
ReplyDeleteI feel exactly the same way as you Rachel. You bring up so many issues that seem to hit my core. I've really suffered with this issue in the past, and now I find prayer chains a dangerous thing... it's a really lame excuse to get into someones business, it is nosy and hurtful and argh. I've decided recently that, "I still believe in, God (and all that that applies), but I don't believe in Christianity". My faith has a dent in it =/
ReplyDelete